rant

Delta Airlines - I am done with you

I am not a heavy flier.  Over the past 5 years I have flown an average of 3 times a year.  So I’m not winning any frequent flier awards.  But I do fly often enough that my business and loyalty have value. In my life I have chosen Delta Airlines three times.  The first time was my second flight ever, 1995, when I went to Washington and Oregon for my missionary summer.  I didn’t buy that ticket.  And my experience was fine.

The last two flights I have booked were on Delta also, and they were a different experience.

In June I flew to the Southern Baptist Convention.   How was that experience you ask?  Well, for starters they charge $25 to check one bag.  That means $25 more for the return flight.  So I was feeling ripped off already merely because I wanted to have some clothes to wear on that six-day trip.  It got even better when I arrived at my final destination only to realize that my $25 bag never made the trip from RDU.  I was told, “We have no record of it on any of our flights.” Then I was told that it would be delivered to the door before 10 p.m. or between 8 and 3 the next day.  You can imagine my surprise when there was a knock at my door at 3 a.m.  I was not refunded the $25 or given a voucher for a free checked bag on a future flight.  Nobody said thanks for flying Delta or for not throwing a fit.  Nobody smiled at me or was appreciative in any way.  I was obviously unhappy, but didn’t get overly excited about it because I understand things happen sometimes.

Then two weeks ago I got a piece of bad news.  My grandfather was dying and I wanted to see him one last time.  So I booked a rather last minute flight.  Again I chose Delta, even though I was unsatisfied the previous time, and even though after the baggage fee it was only going to save me 20 bucks.  I wound up regretting that decision.

While I was home my grandfather died.  He died on Monday and my flight was scheduled for a Tuesday. So I called Delta to reschedule my return flight.  They waived a $150 rescheduling fee when I gave them the funeral home info.  “Good,” I thought, “this will be a simple process.”  I could not have been more wrong.

After about 20 minutes on the phone with the first rep I was transferred to a booking rep.  The first thing I learned is that I would be charged a $50 fee because I booked using an agent. (Travelocity, who I had a perfectly good experience with.) Then I was told that the remaining portion of my fare was about 39% and that I would have to pay the difference.  I thought the $50 fee was ridiculous because they still had the entire fare from that booking.  I didn’t cancel, I wasn’t getting a refund.  I merely wanted to take a later flight. But I was going to tolerate that ridiculous fee.  Then the bombshell; the best they could do for me was to rebook for $252.

Now, I was already having a bad day, but there is never going to be a time when this would not anger me. In addition to the high-priced fare I already paid, it was going to cost nearly the same amount to return home.

I asked the agent again, thinking I had somehow misunderstood.  “Are you telling me that in order to take a later flight it is going to cost me $252?  Almost any flight on any airline would be cheaper than that.” His answer, “That’s the best we can do.” (I should add, it was a 6:30 a.m. flight on a Saturday…ugh)

Not good enough.

To be clear, Delta had some options.

They could have looked at the fare I paid, which was very high for such a short flight, and said, “He’s already paid a lot, let’s give him a deal.” (It was over 70% more than that flight normally is. I usually fly Southwest for about $160, this flight was $277.)

They could have said sorry about your loss, we’ll be happy to reschedule.

They could have given me a voucher for the remaining portion of my fare, and allowed me to find a cheaper Delta flight through an agent. (I definitely could have)

Instead they chose to take a different option.  They decided to keep remaining portion of my fare, force me to purchase a different ticket on a different airline, (because nobody is stupid enough to actually take what they offered me) and never sell me another ticket.

So I will be certain to give them exactly the option they chose for me. They got my money for the return flight, and probably resold the seat. I will never give another cent to Delta Airlines.

I feel like I should restate that - Delta Kept my money but lost my business

BTW, I chose Southwest, an airline that has never let me down.  I am blogging about this because It's obvious they are not concerned about my business or my opinion, so this should not bother them in the slightest.

Dear Fire Ants Get Out of My Life: A Rant

Writing a rant is fun.  And the most fun way to write a rant is as a letter to the object of your rant.  So I present to you, my rant against fire ants.  I hope you enjoy. Dear Fire Ants

Get out of my life!

There are so many things to not like about you.

It takes absolutely no provocation whatsoever to make you bite.  Just because you are walking across my foot doesn’t mean you need to bite my foot.  Other insects can crawl across me without biting, what is your problem?  It’s not like you are drinking blood or have some real reason for the attack.  In fact, the attack merely gets you killed because upon being bitten anyone will smash you.  You are very small, fire ants.  Trust me when I tell you  biting me or anyone else does nothing to protect you or your nest from destruction.  On many occasions it merely points out your location while simultaneously angering your victim.

When you bite it hurts like crazy so you get killed, but even 2 minutes after being smashed into a stain, the bite still hurts just as bad as when you first did it.  What sort of special evil is that?  It’s the reason why people hate you.

You have stolen my footwear options.  It's impossible to wear sandals whenever you are around.  If you take a notion to bite my tennis shoes then that’s your problem, but if you bite my bare feet, now it’s a problem for both of us.  So I elect to just not wear sandals.

There is also no more itchy bite that the one from you.  As soon as the stinging sensation ends, it starts itching.  Then after a couple of days the bite becomes a disgusting, puss-filled mound of itch.   It’s completely gross.  I imagine it’s what leprosy looks like.  Why would you want to do this to people?

Also, there are way too many of you.  How can you be so ubiquitous in the south?  I ceded my back yard to you a long time ago, there are more mounds back there that I can count, but now you want the front as well.  It's not happening.  I'll break out every kind of poison I can find to keep you confined to the back.  You are not welcome there.

You work way too fast.  Between occasions of mowing the yard you build at least a dozen mounds.  Slow down, it should be obvious that you are going to get everything.  So what’s the rush?

It doesn’t help that poison is futile.  Most every kind of poison that promises to destroy you only moves you a few feet.  You’ve been poisoned, why won’t you just die?

In conclusion, GET OUT OF MY LIFE, fire ants.  I hope you all get fly eggs in your head and become zombies, you deserve it.

Rant about my Phone

Every so often I enjoy writing a rant.  It is a good way to take out some anger against some person,  thing, or circumstance.  Back in the fall I wrote a rant about fire ants but I never posted it.  When I'm feeling angry about them later, I will.  The fire ants will never read it, so it doesn't help anyone but me.  Today the object of my ire is my wireless phone.  The LG CU720.  This rant may be slightly tongue in cheek, but the complaints are all very real. Dear LG Shine,

I cannot wait until my contract with you is finished.

I chose you as my current phone because my previous phone, a Sony Erickson,  quit working after 3 years of use.  I was drawn in by the allure  of your shininess.  And you are very shiny. That shine is diminished significantly by a phenomenon that is not your fault, smudges  I should have known that any polished silver phone with a flat glass front would be easy to smudge with fingerprints and face grease, but I guess I was too impressed by the look and your slick sliding format.

I know what you are thinking, CU720, I could greatly reduce the amount of  smudges if I would just use your built in bluetooth and pair it with a headset.  Good thinking, I wish I had thought of that myself.  Oh, I did.  Your bluetooth doesn't work at all.  Maybe once every 75 tries you will pair with a device, but you are too finicky to be useful and I just gave away my headset so that someone would get some use out of it.  Thanks for helping me throw away that $50.

Your lack of bluetooth is made into an even more awesome feature because your speakerphone functionality is so excruciating.  So loud and warped is the sound, that I can hardly understand anybody, and you have such a weak microphone that everyone asks me to repeat everything when you get more than a foot from my mouth.

At least once a day, you turn off when I slide you open.  Do you know how frustrating it is to race to the phone and open it up just in time to find out nobody is there because the phone shut down?  It doesn't matter if I open you gently or with force, it's the same thing.  Regularly you just decide that I apparently don't need to talk to the caller at this time.  Maybe you just need a rest.

Another feature I particularly enjoy is the way your battery goes from fully charged to empty with no warning whatsoever.  I'm sure something like this is going on in your little phone mind.  "What?  I know you just charged me last night, but I'm jonesing for some more of that sweet, sweet electricity.  Come on, if you don't plug me up right now, I will bleep at you every 15 seconds until the battery is fully discharged even quicker.  I know I said I had a full battery just 10 minutes ago, but I NEED that electricity."  Unfortunately I have no choice but to indulge your addiction.

Any time I'm in a different part of the country the internet is hit and miss.  I suspect this is actually AT&Ts fault, but when you say you are on 3G, I should at least be able to check my gmail.

Finally, your camera is an utter piece of garbage.  Just thought your should know.

Sincerely, An unhappy customer

Best Web Junk (January 30)

It is no secret that I love Portal. I believe it is simply one of the most brilliantly designed and executed games I've ever played.  So of course I geeked out over this set of Portal guns somebody made I also love a good rant periodically.  This rant about a flight on Virgin airlines is both hilarious and well-written.  Here's a choice quote:

No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in

This is a silly pic

Easily the greatest hacker prank of all time

The Super Bowl is Sunday and these are some pretty interesting numbers about its production

I almost passed out laughing at this. It's truly hilarious.  Be warned - it does have a swear.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUbsc_a-e3g]

This video is really neat, so neat that I can tolerate the terrible song.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY]